Do you ever get past a constant state of concern as a heart mommy???
For the last 3 1/2 years, so far my answer would be "no". With my other 4 children I was and am always concerned for their well being, happiness, health, good behavior, education - academic and spiritual, etc.... and also us as parents being a good example for them. But, with Mason it is all that plus the constant concern of looking for symptoms that something is not right with his heart (both his old half of heart that he was able to live with for 2 1/2 years, and now his new transplanted heart). The constant concern that I might wake up one day and find him not breathing. The constant concern that I may have drawn up his meds wrong (and there are still soooo many), where the slightest mistake could cause a huge problem. The constant concern that I'm not protecting him well enough from all the bad germs that come our way because of his immune suppresion. And with that being said, the constant concern and wonder, "is he living the most normal life possible for him?'
Presently my biggest concern is: that Mason is struggling getting over his pneumonia or could it really be that he is experiencing the beginning symptoms of rejection? Mason is still needing extra O2's at night (1/2 a liter) or he frequently drops to the low 80's without it, when he should be in the mid to high 90's. He also has been experiencing a higher resting and sleeping heart rate than his normal, an upset tummy, less energy, and occasional 'grunting' with his breaths. all of which could be rejection or pneumonia recovery along with just some 'bad days' with no true explanation. Ohhhh....... that constant concern and wonder of a 'Heart Mommy'!!!!
(Now it's 5:30 am on Thursday June 16, 2011)
Mason was supposed to have his biopsy and MRI today but it was pushed back about 1 1/2 weeks ago because of his pneumonia to June 30th. This is because of the risk of anesthesia after having a recent respiratory infection. He is also scheduled one week prior to that on June 23 for an echo and exam in transplant clinic. Although, because my concern I called yesterday to talk with Mason's transplant nurses to update them on how Mason has been doing. Due to all of his symptoms that I mentioned above they want to see him today in clinic. ( I forgot to mention that earlier in the week our pediatrician Dr W listened to Mason because of my concern of his continued lower O2 sats at night now, more than two weeks past his hospital discharge. The news was good and bad......his lungs sound much better in fact just about back to normal. It is great that his lungs have cleared up, but bad because it poses the question all the more- what is going on then???)
Hopefully today's appointment will bring some answers to my concerning questions!!! I'll update with any news. Please pray for the health and strength of Mason's heart and lungs :)
"Your father in heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams,including your fears and frustrations. He knows what you can become through faith in him." ~ Jeffrey R. Holland