Friday, November 21, 2008

Spoke Too Soon

Okay, so I think I jinxed myself. Not even 48 hours after after my last post, when I bragged that Mason was "cough free", his "little bit" of a clear runny nose turned into a yucky green runny nose with a new horrible, nasty cough!! I've also had Ammon home from Preschool for several days because of a runny needless to say there has not been a spare minute for blogging. Mason is still cough a little, but finally starting to feel better.

Early last week I took him to see his Pulmonologist for a checkup appointment that had already been scheduled before he got sick. Although he had just come down with this new cough, the appointment brought us good news. His chest x-rays showed that the fluid he has had on his left lung since at least July is finally dissipating and his airways were not as constricted as last a month. The other good thing is that his O2 sats have stayed up even while sick this time. The inhaler meds must be helping. But as the week went on he seemed to get worse, so I took him to the pediatrician who started him on antibiotics for bronchitis and the beginnings of Pneumonia again!!! Although, I do think the inhaler meds helped him not get as sick this time. ( In all reality, I think Mason just likes sleeping with me in the Big Red chair rather than in his own bed!! Little Stinker!)


So in the craziness of the last 2 weeks, having Ammon home from preschool and Mason not feeling well.....Ammon making Mason cry all day, sometimes innocently trying to give him loves, and sometimes I think on purpose out of pure jealousy.....I think I hit my wall for the first time in 11 1/2 months!! It is okay to be overwhelmed right?? 11 1/2 months ago Mark and I jumped into being "Heart baby" parents completely blindly, already having a full plate with our other 4 kiddos and the normal stresses of life in itself. Everyday I've done what I've had to for Mason and my family, because of the love of Motherhood, and because you just naturally do what you can to stay above water when life throws you a storm. Then a couple of days ago I had a melt down. I felt like I was crumbling, with lots of tears, feelings of exhaustion, and overwhelming concern of the "hows & whys" of having 2 kids with special needs and 3 others with lots of needs as well. I felt like I was sleep walking in a nightmare!!!
The next day brought a new day, a new beginning kind of, and I felt better. I guess hitting the wall is necessary sometimes so you can pick yourself up and start over with a new attitude! Crying it out is good too, at least it helps me. Because so many people say to me "I don't know how you do it" .... just thought I would let everyone know that I do crumble at times in the midst of my trials. I have plenty of sad days, and tough days all the time. Probably more than I let my appearance show! But, I wouldn't trade my shoes with anybody.

Thankful For....

Today I am thankful for many things, and here are just a few:
1) Faith in a Father Above who comforts me.
2) Mason slept 4 straight hours last night.
3) Sammi (my helper from the summer), Still comes to visit and help after she has already worked all day. And offers to take Ammon with her to run errands.
4) The young women who come over after school to play with Ammon and/or
help my kids with homework.
5) Friends who call and say"I am going to Costco. Do you need anything?"
6) Another heart baby to whom I was able to give my extra frozen 'mommy milk'
7) A kind neighbor who shows up at the back door with a huge yummy chicken pot-pie
for dinner. She must have known otherwise it would have been cereal again!!
8) Helpful, loving Grandmas who live near us.
9) Mason will be 1 year old next week on Nov 30th! A true miracle!
Have a great weekend!! And Go BYU in the big game tomorrow!


queenieweenie said...

Hang in there Summer. We truly are blessed by our trials. Your faith is amazing.

Michele said...

I think it is so refreshing to read about your bad days. Too many times I think us 'heart moms' try to put on a happy face and tell everybody that things are fine. When in reality, we are sometimes walking zombies just trying to survive. You are doing an amazing job with a heart baby AND 4 other kids!!! Hang in there, hopefully some day this whole gig will get easier!

Mandee said...

You are amazing! Even through your bad days!